Last night’s Powerball lottery jackpot was about a half-billion. Nobody won. Here’s my shocked face:   =8>O

But, never fear because Saturday’s drawing is projected to be higher than $700,000. And hey, “You can’t win if you don’t play!”

$700,000. That’s a lot of cheese. But you’re not going to win it. I’m not going to win it. The odds of winning it are 1 in 292,000,000. You’re more likely to have an IQ of 190 or greater than win the lotto (or maybe not, if you think you can win the lotto…). You have a 1 in 575,097 chance of becoming a billionaire (or maybe not, if you keep playing the lotto…)

We have a friend who jokes that the lotto is her retirement plan. She buys tickets frequently, both for herself and at work with coworkers. I know, I know – it’s fun to waste a couple of dollars once in a while and imagine “what if” and yes I’ve bought a few tickets of my own. I’m not a Debbie-Downer and am not here to rain on your parade. But $20 a week like she does adds up very fast. Don’t do that!

And then there’s today’s news about the lottery winner working four jobs from about a year ago, whose story provided this news-worthy soundbite: “A North Carolina single mom who won a $188 million Powerball jackpot last year pledged to spend it on her kids and church, but so far the biggest beneficiary seems to be “Hot Sauce,” her alleged drug dealer boyfriend.” The story goes on to say how she’s bailed ol’ Hot Sauce out of jail three times. Honey, you got to let Hot Sauce go. Cut him loose.

You can’t make this stuff up!